Farewell, February, Farewell Indeed.

CAN YOU BELIEVE FEBRUARY IS ALMOST OVER?!
It seems like just yesterday that I was writing a blog about how
January had left the building, and now here we are waving farewell to February, the love month, National Black History Month, and the first
month of Barack Obama’s new game show “Let’s Make a Deal.” It’s kind of like “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” but in the Obama version when you win a million bucks, you have to give everything over $250,000 to lazy people who refuse to work.

On the positive, we finished it in only 28 days! We’re two days ahead of
schedule! We’re on the road to recovery America. Before you know it, we’ll have everything back to where they belong. Anyways, Sunday is the first day of March and you know what they say about March – it comes in like a Lion and goes out like a Lamb. (That’s what she said!) And, on St. Patrick’s Day you get as drunk as a skunk (of course I don’t drink but many others of you do) and somehow even if you don’t drink at all or at least until you pass out, you wake up smelling like a Yak either way.

I don’t know about all of these expressions. You know? The one about the lion and the lamb, I think I heard that one from my mom, but she’s also the person who tried to tell me about the birds and the bees. So, I’m not really trying to take that one too far. I mean, I’ve been living on this earth for 27 years now, and I’ve not once seen a bird and a bee doing it. Ever. Not even in a cartoon.

I mean, a lot of these sayings just aren’t true. Like this one. “The quickest way get from Point A to Point B is a straight line.” There is nothing short about that distance. Whoever wrote that one has never been in line at Walmart during the first weekend of the month. That’s for sure. I hear Oprah’s only been to Walmart once in her life. Maybe she wrote that one. I don’t know. Turns out, the quickest way to get anywhere is to say, “I’m with Randy Jackson…”

Oh, and another one, how about this one? “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” Yeah, a lot of people believe this one is true. They’re the ones with checkerboards shaved into their heads and wheels on their car that belong on a monster truck.

Of course, Daniel Tosh already beat me on this one, but he said it the best. “Money can’t buy happiness. Really are you an American? Money can buy happiness because it can buy a waverunner. And, have you ever seen anyone frown on a waverunner? No, Seriously, Have you? Seriously. No, seriously. Have you?”

Wow, I got off track. Good thing Glen Beck is on the air to rant and rave about the nonsense that’s going on in Washington or I’d have to break a lot of promises to good people who’ve begged me to not right a political blog. So, yeah, thank God for Fox News during the 5 o’clock hour. Yes, I just said that. Err, wrote… uhh typed.. that… yeah..